Joke Thread

Three dead guys are in line waiting to get into heaven. Before they go in, St. Peter asks them how did they die. So he asks the first man and the first man says, "Well I've suspected for a while that my wife had been cheating on me with another man so I came home early from work on purpose. When I got back to the apartment she was lying naked in bed like she had just been having sex. So I checked under the bed and there was no one there. I checked in the closet and there was no one there, so I looked on the balcony and there was some guy hanging from the railing. I got so angry I beat his hands until he fell, then I ran back in the apartment, grabbed the refrigerator, brought it out, and dropped over the railing right on top of him. Then I was so upset at myself as no one deserves to die like this, I grab my gun, and here I am." St. Peter said, "It sounds like you've had it rough, so I'll let you in." The next man walks up and gets asked the same question. So this man says, "I was in my apartment when I slipped and fell over the railing. I was able to grab onto the railing of the apartment below me but then this guy starts pounding on my fists until I fall. luckily I landed on the bush and survived, I look up in disbelief , he goes and dumps this refrigerator on me and I wound up here." St. Peter lets this guy in too because he has also had it rough. Then the third guy comes up and is also asked the question. This guy replies, "so picture this, you're hiding naked in a refrigerator...."
 
trailraider said:
Three dead guys are in line waiting to get into heaven. Before they go in, St. Peter asks them how did they die. So he asks the first man and the first man says, "Well I've suspected for a while that my wife had been cheating on me with another man so I came home early from work on purpose. When I got back to the apartment she was lying naked in bed like she had just been having sex. So I checked under the bed and there was no one there. I checked in the closet and there was no one there, so I looked on the balcony and there was some guy hanging from the railing. I got so angry I beat his hands until he fell, then I ran back in the apartment, grabbed the refrigerator, brought it out, and dropped over the railing right on top of him. Then I was so upset at myself as no one deserves to die like this, I grab my gun, and here I am." St. Peter said, "It sounds like you've had it rough, so I'll let you in." The next man walks up and gets asked the same question. So this man says, "I was in my apartment when I slipped and fell over the railing. I was able to grab onto the railing of the apartment below me but then this guy starts pounding on my fists until I fall. luckily I landed on the bush and survived, I look up in disbelief , he goes and dumps this refrigerator on me and I wound up here." St. Peter lets this guy in too because he has also had it rough. Then the third guy comes up and is also asked the question. This guy replies, "so picture this, you're hiding naked in a refrigerator...."
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Wow, that is good.
 
(gets pulled over)
me: (stay calm, flirt a little)
cop: License and registration please.
Me: (pressing tits together) can't you just let me go officer? ;)
cop:.....sir step out of the vehicle.
 
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Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral:
Never Bulla Shita you Mama


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TC1201JK said:
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View attachment 300772
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meet the eye.
Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.''
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son,
Anthony
A few days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear son,
I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving Mama
Moral:
Never Bulla Shita you Mama


Sent from my iPhone using WAYALIFE mobile app
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😆😆😆 Good one!

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A very attractive girl has had enough of her life and doesn't want to live anymore. So she walks over to a high level bridge climbs up on the railing and looks down, she notices a bum wandering around he also notices her up on the railing, he yells up at her " what are you doing " , she replies with "I am sick of this place and am going to jump, I cant handle all the stress of life " he politely asks her " well if your sick of life and don't want to live , Would you mind if I could have sex with you ? She goes off on him " NO WAY ,what the hell , your sick , that is disgusting. blah blah blah. the bum replies ": ok ill just wait for you at the bottom then "
 
2007 JKU CANADA said:
A very attractive girl has had enough of her life and doesn't want to live anymore. So she walks over to a high level bridge climbs up on the railing and looks down, she notices a bum wandering around he also notices her up on the railing, he yells up at her " what are you doing " , she replies with "I am sick of this place and am going to jump, I cant handle all the stress of life " he politely asks her " well if your sick of life and don't want to live , Would you mind if I could have sex with you ? She goes off on him " NO WAY ,what the hell , your sick , that is disgusting. blah blah blah. the bum replies ": ok ill just wait for you at the bottom then "
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[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]


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From the mouth, mind, of a women...

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
You can't peanut butter your dick up someones ass.
 
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.

The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.” "That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass... “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.” "Correct."

A third glass... "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne , high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly. The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."


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Sharkey said:
At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.

The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

The drunk tried it and said, “It's a Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.” "That's correct", said the boss.

Another glass... “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.” "Correct."

A third glass... "It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne , high grade and exclusive,'' the drunk said calmly. The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job I'll name the father."


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That's a good one

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