Joke Thread

The teacher was playing a game with students and describing what was in her pocket, then letting the students guess what it was. After several times, she asks if anyone had anything in their pocket the wanted to describe.
Little Johnny’s hand shot up and he was bouncing up and down in his chair wanting a turn.
Teacher- “yes, Johnny. What is in your pocket?”
Johnny - “I’ve got something in my pocket that’s round and very hard and has a head on it.”
Immediately the teacher screams “Johnny, go to the principal’s office right now!”
Johnny - “Relax teacher! It’s just a quarter, but I like the way you’re thinking!”




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My friend has two tickets for the 2020 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Dominic's Church, in San Francisco at 3pm. Her name is Melissa . She's 5'7 about 140 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
 
TrailHunter said:
My friend has two tickets for the 2020 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Dominic's Church, in San Francisco at 3pm. Her name is Melissa . She's 5'7 about 140 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
Click to expand...

Lol [emoji23]


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TrailHunter said:
My friend has two tickets for the 2020 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Dominic's Church, in San Francisco at 3pm. Her name is Melissa . She's 5'7 about 140 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
Click to expand...

Lol........
 
TrailHunter said:
My friend has two tickets for the 2020 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,500 each ticket, but he didn't realize last year when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...It's at St. Dominic's Church, in San Francisco at 3pm. Her name is Melissa . She's 5'7 about 140 lbs. She's a good cook, too. She'll be the one in the white dress.
Click to expand...

That’s a good one!
 
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing" the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground". I yelled "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed "When did this happen?" "Couple of minutes ago".
 
jdofmemi said:
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing" the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground". I yelled "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed "When did this happen?" "Couple of minutes ago".
Click to expand...

Lol


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jdofmemi said:
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing" the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground". I yelled "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed "When did this happen?" "Couple of minutes ago".
Click to expand...

:cheesy::cheesy:
 
I think taggers should have their hands cut off and their foreheads spray painted.
However amongst the scribbles above a gas station pisser this line had me laughing my ass off.

“Don’t look here, the joke is in your hands.”
 
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