Joke Thread

Tonight on the news, the headline was “Officer shoots a man with a sword”. My wife Kelly blurts out “How the hell do you shoot somebody with a sword”? Took me a moment.


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Back in my younger days I was with a girl getting busy when she asked, " am I the only one you have been with",
Without missing a moment to think, I said, "yes, the others were 9's and 10's".

That cost me a hospital visit. :brows:
 
Little Johnny is sitting in class. Teacher says “we’re going to go thru the alphabet and say a word that begins with each letter”. She sees a smile on Johnny’s face.
Teacher: let’s start with the letter A.
Johnny raises his hand. The teacher picks a different student.
Teacher: “letter b”
Johnny raises his hand and the teacher chooses another student.
Teacher: “the letter c”
Johnny enthusiastically shoots his hand in the air. Teacher clearly knows better than to hand Johnny this one.
Teacher: “ letter d”
She refuses to acknowledge that Johnny even exists.
Teacher: “letter e”
Still doesn’t choose Johnny.
Teacher: “ letter f”
Johnny is now frantically waving jumping up and down on his seat. Teacher bypassed him yet again.
As she rolls thru the alphabet, she gets to the letter R. She notices that Johnny is just sitting there, and just raises his hand. For the life of her, she can’t think of how Johnny can come up with a bad word starting with R.
Teacher: “go ahead Johnny”
Johnny: “rat”
Teacher:”very good Jo...”
Johnny: “but it’s a big motherfucking rat with a dick 10 inches long”


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Murphyfish said:
Little Johnny is sitting in class. Teacher says “we’re going to go thru the alphabet and say a word that begins with each letter”. She sees a smile on Johnny’s face.
Teacher: let’s start with the letter A.
Johnny raises his hand. The teacher picks a different student.
Teacher: “letter b”
Johnny raises his hand and the teacher chooses another student.
Teacher: “the letter c”
Johnny enthusiastically shoots his hand in the air. Teacher clearly knows better than to hand Johnny this one.
Teacher: “ letter d”
She refuses to acknowledge that Johnny even exists.
Teacher: “letter e”
Still doesn’t choose Johnny.
Teacher: “ letter f”
Johnny is now frantically waving jumping up and down on his seat. Teacher bypassed him yet again.
As she rolls thru the alphabet, she gets to the letter R. She notices that Johnny is just sitting there, and just raises his hand. For the life of her, she can’t think of how Johnny can come up with a bad word starting with R.
Teacher: “go ahead Johnny”
Johnny: “rat”
Teacher:”very good Jo...”
Johnny: “but it’s a big motherfucking rat with a dick 10 inches long”


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Click to expand...

Haha love it.
 
Last edited:
Start your day with little Johnny:
Teacher wants her students to use a word twice in one sentence.
Susie: The blue car drove in a field of green grass against the blue sky
Teacher: excellent Susie.
Lucy: the cement sidewalk leads up to the cement stairs.
Teacher: good Lucy. How about you Johnny?
Johnny: we’re sitting at the dinner table last night. My sister told my father she’s pregnant. My father said “beautiful, just fuckin beautiful”


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